I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
