Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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