The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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