toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
