You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
