drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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