just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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