What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
where am i from again
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
