your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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