fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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