Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So. Much. Porn.
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