Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
