Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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