look no pants
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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