I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This is not my ceiling
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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