Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
