I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
