Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
