Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
