i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
