I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
