The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
