yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
