listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His hands were made for my vagina.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
