Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
