Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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