You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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