I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
