I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
