Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
