drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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