I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
