I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
