Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
