Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
