I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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