OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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