i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
