I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
