I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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