i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
