After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
