guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
