i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
