ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
