chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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