I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
FUCK WHALES
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
