On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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