Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
