Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
