If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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