I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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