do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You took a bar mat shot.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
