New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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